Over the New Moon of the first Mercury Retrograde of 2021, I received in energy and words from my parents a gift I have been desiring. First from my father, I received an extended form of compliment. Saying words similar to, "You are so beautiful, you are perfect, I love you." He repeated these loving words so much and I saw and felt Love flow from him to me via this moment and these words. I love you, Dad and thank you.
Like lots of women, I am healing a father wound inside myself. Hearing, I am so beautiful, and perfect was a gift that soothed that wound for sure. It added positive energy to my masculine chakras, especially my solar plexus, home of confidence. Knowing my father loves and adores me for exactly who I am.
This isn't to say that I am entirely healed by just these words or even that I am fully quenched. But it was a positive experience and a healing one. I am grateful to have this memory, I hope I always keep it. *kiss emoji.
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During the same stay at my parent's house, my mother gave me a gift of words. I shared with tears my concerns of my own mother wound; that I was being held too tight by my parents. I know my mother just doesn't want to ever cut the energetic ambilocal cord. Maybe it never could be cut, however, as I age, I certainly need to leave the nest and learn how to fly.
I hold some shame on the idea that I haven't learned how to fly yet. Maybe I have, I am just comparing my flying skills to those who have stronger skills than my own. That same night, as I was tucking myself into bed, she came in and kissed me. She told me words expressing that she is supportive of kicking me fully out of the nest. Of not holding on too tightly anymore. That I may return to cuddle with her, in her nest, anytime.
I love you, Mom. Thank you for this gift.
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I felt that I needed my parents permission, my parents words, in order do and feel the way I saw myself growing into. Now as I am aware of my parents support, I feel responsibility. I feel that I cannot blame my potential shortcomings or fears on them. This is scary.
I can feel space inside myself. I am aware of my dreams and goal, and the room for them to grow inside me. I can feel my own attachment to staying where I am, this is living in a fear cluster in my stomach. I just am aware of these things. And like all of life, I know they are changing. They are not going to stay this way. And that is great.
I feel like being gentle, and not rushing. Maybe that's my fear, maybe that my connection to Nature, taking it at the natural pace. I am happy that I am aware and making conscious attempts at positive change and growth.
I know however, now, that it is about myself making the emotional changes internally. That is the only way that I will find relief to the things that crave relief. I expected to feel "fixed" by hearing my parents say a few words. This is my journey, my world perception, my universe. This is my journey. But, maybe life isn't about fixing everything either. Just something to keep in mind.
..End, I love you Savannah Jo, and all of life. I hope everyone has a nice journey.
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Let me know how you relate to this post. If you have any similarities in your life or differences in your experience. Let me know especially if you have a cluster of negative energy in your stomach area and what that is made up of.
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