The Situation - Problem
Yesterday there was a big rain storm. My emotional state changed when the rain came. I noticed it twice. When the sun was out I was feeling myself. Feeling good. When the clouds came anxiety started to percolate within.
The particular anxieties I feel these past days when the clouds came were regarding work. And not wanting to work. I felt my body coming to an absolute halt. No more exerting energy.
My mind started to race regarding how my body felt. I knew I didn’t want to work. That how I felt. And my mind started freaking out. How am I going to survive if I don’t want to work. I assumed that I would always feel the same way I was currently feeling.
I thought I was never going to want to work again. And how do I live like that? Will I have to force myself to push through? No I can’t, my body is halted. It will never be able to be forced. All these thoughts. How can I achieve my goals? And then I thought about my actual bank account. Do I have enough mo way right now? But it’s impossible for me to work, and I don’t have enough money.
All of this in my head, while I’m alone in my living room. And it’s raining cats and dogs.
Going about healing this moment.. / Solution
I went into my group text with other high level spiritual leaders and told them how I was feeling. I said, I don’t want to fucking work. How am I going to do this?
I laid it all out. I expressed my emotions to ears and consciousness who listened. And I received really good advice and support. My awareness shifted. I went to them basically asking for help and I was open to receiving it. And I did receive it.
I was smart about where I took this problem. I didn’t take it to people who are also worriers. They would have cemented my issues. Instead I took it to my support team and specifically my mentor. She was the one whose advice I was seeking and she was the one who proved a shift of perspective.
One friend in the group told me to go within and listen to what my shakti aka feminine goddess within says, when I did that I heard the message,
“Chill babe, you don’t have to do anything. My desires are running to me as I speak.”
And my mentor spoke to me in a different state of mind. She didn’t drop down to talk to me when I was in my negative emotional state. She saw me as the full embodied divine self that I am. She saw me as empowered. And this empowered me.
She asked me questions that help me to think different frequencies of thoughts. And this brought me back into a desire to express myself in the world. It’s not working it’s not a job. It’s existing and expressing my existence.
I desire to express at greater depths but to
exist more. To let more of my divine design be expressed. To be more secure, more confident, to trust more in god and give less fucks about the opinions of anyone who isn’t someone I’m asking for their opinion.
I reached out a hand for help while I was in the water and received her hand. She pulled me up onto a yacht. My yacht. My pink yacht.
I remembered myself, my worth my true self. Which is secure. Which doesn’t care about the pressure to produce or work. I am successful. I am extraordinary. As I stand here, existing.
There’s nothing to worry about. When the worry starts and can just witness, acknowledge, accept and let it go. Let it pass. I am strong here. And if it attacks my mind more than I can calmly stand and witness, I have my tools and my team to assist. I am always taken care of.
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