The Golden Light That Surrounds
I am sharing a healing journey story. Showing others what it looks like connecting with parts of your inner self and your emotions.
A massage turned into an epic healing session today. My friend's chiropractor also gives massages, so I checked her out. We had a great talk in the beginning of the session and I've discovered, when telling her about all my past injuries, that I've hit my head many times in the past, in significant ways.
She shared her knowledge of the brain. Our thoughts and beliefs create hormones that then create positive or negative health in the body. I wanted to get to the core thoughts that were creating negative results in my body.
She said to me, if you want to talk through anything during the deep tissue massage feel free. I would never turn down a safe place to talk out my feelings, so I started. She suggested talking to my inner child since these issues (and tissues) run deep.
I thought up images of my inner child and when she was most hurt. It was during a conversation with my beloved dad. He definitely shut me down in that moment and I created a negative belief that stayed with me a long time. That belief is the one I was trying to get out of my muscles today.
Here's what my problem was.
I learned to believe in those moments with my beloved dad that I cannot express myself in my chosen way. I have to express myself only to be accepted by those around me. Through life I developed high sensitivity to the people around me so that I could judge their behavior and act in a way to be received well and liked. This is called people pleasing.
Here's how I worked through it.
In my session today, I went back and envisioned myself about 4 or 6 years old. I told my little self,
"Listen dearest Savannah, you are a very good girl just as you are. I love you and I want this self-love to fill every place inside you. You are so filled with self-love that it radiates a golden light. Because you are complete and full, you do not need to receive any of the negative energy that is being offered to you. You can hear the words and place them in the part of your brain that talks and responds or takes in new information, but you do not need to take those words and energy into the parts of you that define your self worth, or that define you."
I saw myself a couple years older and said,
"Hey Savannah, I know there are people around you saying random things. Anything that they say has nothing to do with how to feel about yourself. The only things that decides how you feel about yourself is the golden energy of self love that surrounds and runs through your body. People can be mad and angry, but that has nothing to do with how you feel about yourself. Let all of that energy move past your body. There is no place for it inside you."
I repeated these words at various age periods. When I envisioned I was in 6th grade, I said,
"Savannah, sometimes people will laugh at what you say, but that is because you are a funny person. When anyone laughs at something you say or do, they are not defining your worth. So there is nothing to be embarrassed or upset about. Even if they are making fun of you, you have such a strong blood of self love flowing through that you can handle it. You know those words aren't coming inside to hurt you. You are just hearing them and with a calm mind can respond."
I encouraged my teenage and college selves. I spoke to post college self and current self. I said,
"You are a great person. You do not let outside sources control how you feel about yourself. Within your own beliefs of self, within this protection, your soul and spirit can freely be about. You release tension of having to do or be a certain way. Because you trust and love yourself."
Going deep into my mind and intuition therapeutically while having my body worked on was great. I recommend finding a spiritual or therapeutic masseuse for yourself.
Speaking to your inner child is said to be really helpful as well. I have been able to really identify my blocks and challenges when I go to that place in my mind. When I go to the root cause and then tell her something different, it's important to bring in the new better way to see things.
This work really needs to be repetitive to create the new pathways. To replace the old outdated pathways. This work also need to be embodied. Meaning felt and expressed through the body. I did with my massage. I am going to repeat it with some form of stretching or dancing. When I do that, I will feel the golden self love light within and around me, and speak statements of support.
I felt like this was a big moment for me. The perfect supporting step in the direction of my goals. I've wanted for a while to feel like a secure, empowered woman. Taking more responsibility in my life and work as well as cutting off the People Pleasing energy is really helping me step into this version of self.
A step that I am missing here is the big love, appreciation and support of the little girl parts of me that felt shut down in the beginning. How she danced, talked and took up space. She was seen and liked to preform. I'm not as open as she was and I want to not look so badly on those parts of myself when they show up currently.
I've had many repetitive thoughts saying that playful and happy side of me needs to be shut away and is wrong. I'm looking now to stop hating that side of me.
My next steps are meditating on those parts. Now that I have the golden light permission to be all who I want to be, without getting hurt by someone else's opinion.
_
Have you done inner child work? Are you a people pleaser? Let me know so we can stay connected.
With love, Savannah
Comments