No matter where you are in your life, not talking location wise, you probably find yourself reaching for more. Not only reaching for more but unhappy with what you currently have in front of you. Why the heck is that? Right now I am living in my dream area, doing my dream jobs and still thinking about how I am not doing what my parents want me to do. And really letting that get to me. The funny thing is that in reality, both of my parents tell me often they support me, are proud of me, and want me to follow my dreams. They verbally support me a lot. And I am grateful. Yet, it's hard for me to shake the feeling that something's wrong. Maybe once I hit my income goals that will change. However. I have a feeling that once I change those thoughts about me somehow not pleasing my parents, that my income goals will finally hit. Can anyone relate?
Finding The Root Issue
(ps. Before I get into this, I am going to be referencing my relationships from childhood. When an issue comes up relating to either parent, it doesn't mean they are bad or even did anything wrong. I want that to be clear for my family life and yours when you do your own work. When you are healing your life you're healing your relationships with yourself and those around you. No fault, shame or blame needs to be had, life is a crazy interesting place and working our your human issues is just as crazy and interesting. But can be so beautiful on the other side.)
Alright here we go, continuing under, "Find the Root Issue." Now, I am pretty sure that consistent gratitude is a huge medicine that will help us with practically any issue related to happiness. But that isn't easy to just always be grateful. The other big pill to swallow is looking deeper inside to figure out why you really are unhappy. What is the deeper issue? I shared that mine is the need of the approval from my parents. When I take it deeper, I discover that I don't feel whole unless my mom says she loves me. If she doesn't approve of my decision I feel like she wont love me. Now I know that seems silly, but I am just being vulnerable and real with my deep "issues" that I'm in the process of working out.
For me, now that I pinpointed the root cause, I can feel guilty about it or I can try to cure it. The medicine that my root cause needs is one that isn't a surprise to me. I need to change my belief to one that says, I am whole all by myself. I am loved exactly how I am, because I love myself. I am not Sara 2.0 (my mom's name is Sara). I am not an extension off her arm. I am my own being. Who is different than her, and will have different opinions. To be secure in my opinions and desires and choices is what an unwounded me looks like. For years, its been on my mind to achieve. Self Security.
Healing The Core Wound
I can try to journal about gaining security all day long. I can talk to friends and therapists, and even my mother, all day long. But to get to the core of it takes a few things other than just talking.
1. A Subconscious healing journey to when the issue first began.
2. Repetitive confirmation of your desired outcome - rewiring the neural pathways
3. Taking practiced action while being connected to desired outcome
1. Subconscious healing journey to when the issue first began.
Some people call this step releasing limited beliefs. You can work with a healer to do this or find a meditation online. In this release of your limited, you will be in a meditative state, this allows you to access some of your subconscious. You will be guided to feel the issue. To light up your brain with that feeling. I feel the emotion of being in an outdated union with my mom. Not having separation from her, even in belief systems. And I feel it in my heart and chest. Then you will be asked to remember the first time you ever felt that sensation. For me, when I enter this meditation, I sensed that the first time was as an infant being held to her chest. I can sense my mothers emotions as "mother knows best", "do what I say, and you will be safe and protected", "I will protect you always, just stay connected to me, I love you." When you are in the meditative state, the scenario of the first time will come naturally, even if you are unsure if it's real. You can trust whatever shows up for you. Sometimes when I do this, I get prompted to when I was still in the womb or just born. Of course I don't consciously remember that but subconsciously thats where my inner healer wants to take me.
When you're at the time of the first wounding or impression of the belief that is now outdated, you will see yourself from above. When you see the wounding happening, swoop in to comfort and tell yourself how to react differently. In my case, when I hear and feel the impression of my beloved mother that "she always knows best, and to listen to her/follow her advice always, so that I never get hurt" I am going to swoop in from my current self, who knows something different that I did then. I will tell my baby self something different. I will say, "its okay baby, mommy really loves you and will always love you. She wants to protect you so much. but you are your own being. You have energy of gold that outlines you and separates you from others, including mama. You guys can still be connected via the love you share for each other but not connected entirely and wholly. Since you really are your own being, and a magnificent one at that, know that you can simultaneously hear the advice and desires of mom but be separated from them. You are your own being. Your decisions come from your holy spirit within and when you listen to your holy spirit, it is all okay. Offer loving emotion back to mom, since you know how she feels is different than how you feel, and lean into that holy spirit self of yours. You are okay. You are protected by your outline of golden energy."
In that meditative state, not only was I able to tell my younger self to feel secure in her own way, to not be dependent on mom, but I was given a beautiful piece of information and inspiration for my current self to use. The idea that instead of needing anyones approval for security, to find security in my own inner holy spirit. Yay! I love that. I can lean back and trust myself.
The reason why we go back to the first time is because that will influence all of your future relationships. From friends to significant others. The next step of this process is:
2. Repeat the feelings of what your desired outcome is - rewiring the neural pathways
Now that I have my piece of medicine that I want to move forward with, which is the strong feeling of security surrounded by my golden light and connected to my holy spirit. I have to reprogram myself to accept that as my truth instead of what used to be my truth. I can do this by affirmations, by meditation of myself in the future living by this new way, by praying for the new mindset to be made fast and easy. And by repetitive journaling. There's also a practice called EFT that is life changing to many people for rewiring the neural pathways. Find your own way to anchor into this new belief and give yourself a month or better to practice this out. Giving yourself the extended time gives you permission to stop judging yourself in the process. Share with me if you have other practices for rewiring neural pathways.
It is especially crucial to notice when you are acting in your old way of thinking. Once you notice it, say a loving thought of forgiveness to yourself and then reaffirm your new thought. This is a daily and an intimate practice with yourself and your brain.
3. Take practiced action while being connected to your new belief
Take a moment to prepare for a conscious action. Let me demonstrate my example. I am going to deep breathe, write my affirmation, and light up my brain with the new feeling of "inner secure and whole on my own". The action I am going to take is one I've done 1M times, except now I have the new feeling and energy activated. With the new energy activated I will just have a simple conversation with my mom over the phone. Nothing major, just an average phone call. Except instead of my mind unconsciously going to places of insecurity and dependence on her approval, I have my new energy in tact.
This will feel new and activate different energy channels in your body. For me it activates my confidence center, the solar plexus. I physically change my posture to one with my shoulders back and having more secure self confidence. I don't have to tell her what I am doing, or that anything is different at all. This practice is for me to bring the desired outcome into practice, thus into my life. So that I can embody that change.
As an added tip, I suggest activating the heart chakra, activating your love capacity. To love yourself in this moment of new action, and love anyone you're interacting with. There's nothing to hate or not like going on, just a change that feels new. And some love juice will lubricate the situation and make it all just a little bit better.
As a closing note
During your month of concentrated practice, I recommend a heart chakra practice often, mine is extremely simple, I say the phase "I love" over and over in my head until I feel loving feelings fill my brain and body. Having love for yourself and anyone else involved in this practice is important.
If you read some of my other blogs on healing, I reference my parents and boyfriends. This is because most of our life problems can be solved and healed in relationship. Since our relations with our parents or caregivers are usually the main relationships you've had until a potential marriage or something similar, you can use these first relationships as resources to figure out where you're thinking is wrong. As we age and go through life, our beliefs change, for the better. When you're 2, your beliefs need to be a certain way to have a healthy life. But those beliefs are going to be different when you turn 22, and again different when you turn 42.
I want to note that because there are many things to find within those parent/caregiver relationships doesn't mean that those people are bad. Maybe in your life they were bad. In my life those people, my mom and dad, were and are incredibly great. If either of them ever read these blogs, I want them and anyone else to know that everyone has these type of issues with their parents. It's human nature and it doesn't make them bad people or bad parents. This is how we untangle our own personal issues. And in everyones life it has to come from those first relationships. In other words, my mom is such an incredible person, and is really wise and I'm sure does know a lot about what is best. And I thank her for wanting to protect me and make sure nothing bad ever happens to me. I am blessed to have such a great mommy. <3
& Like I said towards the beginning, if you want guidance on this healing journey of yours, or just want to talk about stuff, reach out to me via email or IG.
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